i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
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