The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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