After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize