So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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