my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
