I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize