I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
