he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize