So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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