I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
