Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
