someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize