Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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