is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
