She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize