Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
