I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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