I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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