Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
