I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
