the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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