dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize