just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
