Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
