The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
