I'll bet she douches with gravy.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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