last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
