dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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