Well apparently he's into motor boating.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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