ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
