My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
