It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
babies were throwing up all over the place
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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