yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
