I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
