And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
