Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
