I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize