dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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