Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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