is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
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