Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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