I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
