I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
