You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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