and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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