I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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