I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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