I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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