just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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