My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
