Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
