I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
