for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
