did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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