She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
