I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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