Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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