So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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