Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
