had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Still dying that you shit outside
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
