Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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