This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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