last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
