I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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