i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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