Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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