you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
