just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
