you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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